whilst calmly smoking...

...the cigarette, my leg is shaking frenetically.

there are always two choices. one is, to do. the other is, to not do. simple? hardly...

it's now five minutes to five in the morning. i can choose to, write this blog. or, choose to not.
damn, ideas were flowing right up to the second i picked up this laptop.

events in the last couple of weeks have really turned my life inside out. ah, dramatic? yes. too much hercule poirot, mon ami...why do i say this? it has brought to light some, very fundamental issues about life.

allow me, to begin...

one constant trait that i've exhibited during certain, uncertain situations in my life is that i tend to overthink. or rather, i'd like to view it as me practicing thinking things through. when situations are not, uncertain; my thorough-/over-thinking becomes more objective when it's about other people or other people's problems or impersonal (like work) issues.

another, constant trait i've also exhibited is to act impulsively. i use the word 'act' because it is put into action. i feel/think i need/want; and so, i do.

emotions are very strong drivers. one doesn't need to be a salesman or a politician to acknowledge that.

here's where it gets tricky. maybe, this is an illustration of what a dual personality is about. more of the geminian factor than the schizophrenic factor. that...these two traits manifests themselves at the same time.

really, i think i've yet to mature. both these traits reflect the volatility of youth rather than the stability of adulthood. "the art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook" - william james. i still haven't developed the finesse of what and how to overlook or dismiss some things.

is it a problem? well, if there are always two sides of a coin...

the benefit of acting impulsively is that one tends to feel as though they are 'seizing the day'. living life. indulgence. you keep yourself happy. ha ha ha

i won't get into the difference between what merely thinking and overthinking is. it's sufficient to just take the literal definition. the benefit of overthinking is now, i think, more meaningful. when you do that, you get the broad picture of situations. you connect the dots. you look at specific occurrences and try to relate them to a bigger picture.

a person's behaviour in one instance may not adequately or accurately reflect one's values or intentions. it is over a trend of behaviour that can be taken as a basis for judgement. in short, you look for consistencies.
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i am now faced with a choice. to clarify or not to clarify.

so, is a discussion required?

it's eight minutes past seven. i've put two hours into this plus three sticks of cigarettes. gonna have to call in and let my dear boss know i'm gonna be late. i mean, later than usual. hahahahaha

"as far as your self control goes, as far goes your freedom" - marie von ebner eschenbach