to not exercise...

...my voting rights is, exercising my voting rights.


they say that many people have sacrificed their lives just so my generation and the generations after enjoy the democratic right to vote.


i disagree.


whilst i am eternally grateful to them who have sacrificed their lives for me to enjoy such rights, i sincerely do not believe that the objective was to literally vote. i believe, the objective was to simply to be free to make our own choices, no matter what they are. and those choices, have to be properly informed choices.


i love this country. i will always be a malaysian with its beauty and its flaws.


but today, the age that i live in. the so-called information age, i am truly biasedly informed.

yet, i know why, if the situation calls it; in a blink of an eye, i would pick up arms and die for this country. i would die for the opportunity given to me, to be born free. i would protect to the death that right, that luxury. free to make your own choices. free from the subjugation of any other entity.

we should be patriotic not because of obligations placed on us but because of the intrinsic belief that living a life with the luxury of being able to choose; is a value that above all is the most fundamental to life. even before breathing.

"with great freedom, comes great responsibilities" - anonymous

winner takes all...

...and i do not want to leave empty handed.

oddly today, i feel very out of sorts. no, i'm not actually tired. but i feel different. my dilemma is about to come to a head. i must be prepared come what may. but i must resolve within me to stand firm. i know i'm good at this. i know i'm making a difference. i don't believe i'm being naive.

please, remove these shackles that bound me to obscurity.

this is, make or break. i have no heart to tell my friends. instead, i only try to spend as much time as i can with them. make as much memories with them, just in case i don't survive the bloodbath that's inevitable. that's what it'll be, a bloodbath.

i won't step out of the ring until i'm down....and out.
you can only be either one...the winner, or the loser.

this is my fight. only i can fight this. i will fight this, my way.

i have thought about pursuing a certain interest in someone, and the conclusion tells me that no one else deserves to share this personal burden i'm carrying. you know, as people always say, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. i'm starting to believe that i don't want this "to be". hehe, but i probably want other things..."to be" (if you know what i'm saying).

my eyes roam, so my heart wanders....

it is no longer mine, and only mine. i have a responsibility to take this fight all the way. to the very end, and i must come out victorious. the integrity of the people under my command is at stake. whilst they haven't done everything right, they still don't deserve the fate that awaits them if i don't step up. worse still, the fate that awaits them, if i lose.

let this be my testimony...let this be my witness. soon, the day will come when i shall begin the journey of a lifetime.

"if nothing changes, nothing changes" - jim westley

at my command...

...unleash hell!!!!


it's war out there. it really is this time. brethrens no longer, friendships severed. bloody shall be the colour of the grass of home. darkness, not of night. brightness not of sunlight. but of the gathering clouds of smoke and the crashing flames from burning flesh. it will be gruesome, it will be horrific.


everyday, is 'the day'. today, we fought like as though it would be the last day. or so we hoped. we were close. considering the circumstances, we fared rather well. we fought hard.

news all round saying that we're gaining. everyday, we're gaining.

there's something about winning that makes you want to fight even fiercer. it makes you greedy for victory. everything, anything...must be won. if you can't consume it, you deprive others of it. when you're winning, you shed all sense of defeat. that it is almost unthinkable. that losing, is unacceptable.

it makes you, more ruthless. in battle, there's a clearly drawn line demarcating the choices you make. you shove the weak into the fray so that the enemy has greater distance to your hero. everyone has a part to play. everyone has a destiny.

sometimes, merely by sheer tenacity, you live for another day. but you don't start the day's battle with a hope.

you begin...with a desire to end it.

throughout, there is no thought. you shut away all emotions. forward, you march. and you march.
truly great warriors are animals; of brute strength and primal urges. these warriors, keep on marching. and on, and on.
great warriors, remain eternally great...as the living continue on marching in their shadow. forward, march, forward, march...on, and on.
these warriors are admired.

to lead, this march of great warriors...to be the first, to be bestowed greatness...to shade the path of the forward marching of great warriors. nay, to bestow the greatness to great warriors.
these leaders are respected.


ah, but to mould, these leaders. to create, this greatness.

it is an evil.

it is loved.


"winners have simply formed the habit of doing the things losers don't like to do" - albert gray

of clean lines...

...and arranged thoughts.

it was, one mess after another. everything seemed to be falling apart. slowly, and quite certainly (at least, it felt) the many aspects that make up this life appear to be disintegrating.

oh, the doubts! the anger! the embarassment! the fear! the delusions! the drugs! the alcohol! the women! the moral degeneration!

you name it. then....

.............................................................................................................................................................silence



reflections, after reflections. reinvention after reinvention. as sudden as it went, so did as sudden it came. that's the beautiful thing about life. sometimes, you just have to remain breathing. your life, takes a life of its own.

it was a war. this was no mere scuffle. it was, war. alliances were made, broken. resources dwindled; the people, neglected.
vision versus reality; truth pitted against belief; the mind stood up against the flesh.
it was an epic of great proportion.

but, reason prevailed. rationality returned, justice won. in this time of quietness, the politics of needs and wants resumed. each, bantered and argued. emotions were not constrained, tantrums were thrown around freely. sentiments were launched, monies bought support.

then, ideas flowed...perspectives took shape. ah....finally, the wind blows.

the sail hurriedly sewn together, the hull hastily patched, able seamen hired!
double time, quick time, over time...post haste!
to the sea, to the sea!

only the captain knows. he is the map. he is protected! he is not towed, he is counselled. still, only he knows.

it is sometimes, a blessing not knowing where and what the destination is. it is at times, sufficiently satisfying to simply be moving. the arrangements of the stars, night after night, shall reveal the direction. we may sometime discover the destination even without being told. that in itself, is a treasure to be discovered.
could it be? looks like it...but, that doesn't look anything like,...maybe it's over the other side, around the corner...


clean lines, not straight lines. arranged thoughts, not organised thoughts.

"your perspective of yourself will determine the possibilities you pursue" - mike evans