that winning streak...

...for most, doesn't last long. for a select few, it seems; is the envy of many. and for the rest, is such a rarity that when it does happen, is in itself a treasure to behold.

that "winning streak" can mean so many things; to be able to look good for a function from the comfort of the bedroom till the end of it without feeling overly conscious, to go on a run of days without sufferring a calamity, or even simply, to be smiled at sincerely by a beautiful girl. any piece of good luck really.

and when it does happen, to those who find it tough going to even muscle out a morsel of good luck; it becomes doubly hard to just bask in it even for a moment. because you tend to worry, when you will next 'eff' it up. is this a sign of low self-esteem or lack of confidence? i think this goes slightly beyond that. when one has lived long enough to observe the trend, this series of misfortune is not without blame on the part of the sufferring individual. almost always, one can pinpoint the exact moment where the wrong decision/action was made.

most would probably conclude that as the many lessons to be learned in life. then again, how many more lessons must one learn before one can start enjoying that "big break" in life, whereby thereafter, that individual need not worry or at least, can be confident enough that such misfortunes will come far in between.

no. there's only one way of looking at it. and that, that individual is reserved for bigger and better things. to do only perhaps one thing right in their entire life, which one will be remembered by for however long. and that one thing could be as simple as passing down all those learned lessons to one's children, in so that in their lifetime, they do not commit the same mistakes. and consequently, become someone historically important in however big the community.

yes, i'm alluding to that almost mythical word; providence.
it does give one that sense of pride, doesn't it? a reason to not give up. an excuse to continue pushing through life regardless of the obstacles. to maybe someday stumble upon that right moment, that right opportunity, to make something of one's self. and then, to do it right.

perhaps someday, i will make a girl go stumbling, tripping and falling in love.
perhaps someday, i will be standing in anfield amongst the crowd, celebrating our win for the treble.
perhaps someday, i will get that standing ovation for a job well done.
perhaps someday, long after i'm gone, someone, somewhere will say, if it wasn't for me, he/she would never have succeeded.

perhaps one day, that day, comes...and i will be there to enjoy it.

until then, happy new year everyone! hope to see you all smiling at the end.

"either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing" - Benjamin Franklin

as i walk...

...through the streets of frankston,
everyday living in desperation,
in search of knowledge and education,
learning the values of, freedom and independance,
every deed, every sin...building on my essence,
every now and then, i look up into the sky,
i feel the sunshine getting into my eye,
and once in awhile, the hair on my neck stands in the breeze,
as though god's eyes are following me,
from birth to eternity....
dear lord, what can i do?
my luck's running out, please drop me a clue...
dear lord, what should i do? my mind's made up but i still can't make a move...
this soul's torn between me, reality and you...

i had to write that piece of lyrics/poetry which i wrote during one of the most difficult time of my life, before it goes from me altogether.
that aside, i recently learned that this blog has an audience who appreciates what and how i write.
thanks.

actually, i don't have much to rant about this time. perhaps, that's a good thing, that not all things have to be bad. that you can enjoy a little, laugh a little...even when you're down. yet, without trivialising or worrying that you're not taking seriously, your situation.

the xmas eve i recently had was, i think, in a very unconventional way, a quite meaningful one that i've had in a very long time. not that i actually celebrate it. but it's a holiday...so maybe, what i'm trying to say here is that, it was a very well spent holiday. (hahaha that makes sense?)

i spent it with a selection of individuals who has the maturity to look beyond common prejudices and reserved their biases. i hope i was viewed in a similarly positive way. however, i can't help but feel that truly that moment was too brief...too short. maybe, thinking that helps me to appreciate it even more.
we toasted to a better 360 days ahead. whatever that might mean...

but reality has a way of crashing the party. one had to urgently salvage what was probably the best thing that could've happen to her in years. another had to re-visit her commitments, another had to deal with the feeling of absence and self-guilt. and the other, had to deal with watching a good life walk away. depressing? hahaha to say the least....

but such is life. that's why, i think that brief moment we shared was good. one of my new found quotes about life, "never apologise for your feelings". that may be the only truly pleasurable thing in life...to feel.
so, once again, i find myself back at square one (why a square? why not a circle or a sphere? it feels more like a sphere). again, starting from zero, having to re-define everything. i thought i just got off the ride, who bought me another ticket? what? i bought two? damn, didn't know what i was getting myself into, huh? hahahahahaha
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"watch for sticks and stones,stumbling blocks in piles,
life is one big road,miles on top of miles,
so blessed be the soul,that always remains a child,
when most people don't even smile,
there is a natural mystic,blowing through the air,
so keep it realistic, and always be aware,

...and it was written,up in the book of life,that a man shall endure forever more",
Damian Marley (Junior Gong), "It Was Written".