buddha. just, buddha...

...so, can i call myself Buddha too?

perhaps not, for my arrogance hasn't reached such a stage. but why even consider the audacious preposition? because, for every time i realise something significant, i feel enlightened. as though, i could solve all of the world's problems. but as quickly as a second comes is a second gone, you're smacked with an equally, if not more difficult obstacle. promptly followed by the question; so, do you know it? do you really? [eyes squinting much smaller]. the answer is simply, "yes" or "no".

many have known for the most part that life is a series of small decisions that lead to the big one. then, the whole cycle repeats. underlying these junctures of decision-makings is a thread of questions that constantly challenges one's knowledge on life or its surrounding environment.
for every question that one answers "no", there's a whole series of questions that the answer is "yes". and likewise, for every question that is answered "yes", there's a whole series of questions that the answer is "no". it will be extremely tedious for me to illustrate exactly what i mean. this exercise validates a belief that i've held for far too long without really understanding why. and that belief is that no one individual in this day and age except where mentally incapacitated, can ever say "i don't know" to any preposition put forth. and yes, i do believe that this even applies to the most abstract of theological/philosophical prepositions.

however, what i've found more interesting here is that the philosophy behind this thinking resembles a mathemathical formulae. i think it's commonly known as "logic". This is the "how" to the philosophy.

i thought of delving slightly deeper into the whole mechanics of "logic" but it's so unnecessary, considering that most of you would have gone through the thought process that i've just mentioned. thus, you would know where to get the information on "logic". that's the beauty of understanding this philosophy...a thought has with it a certain force that once triggered, creates a momentum, which carries through a certain distance before it naturally slows down...and then, our mind picks up on another thought and goes on the same process...unless! unless we want to concentrate on that thread of thought...

so, two things come into play here...the want to explore a particular thought (usually to a certain identifiable end) and the strength to stay on that thought until that certain identifiable end is reached...i would call these two elements, desire and power...

what it is really, that makes us individuals, is the composition between these two elements...some, may have more desire than the actual power to complete the thought; and vice versa. the notion that an imbalance occurs brings rise to the probability that a thought might not be completed, i.e. failure, to achieve the identifiable end. whilst desire can be provoked, and power can be harnessed...there is always, the X-factor. the X-factor is the bridge, the counter-weight, the missing piece ...the determinant; that differentiates between us mortals and, the faces and names that becomes antagonists in grandmothers' tales, the contents of historical documents and the inspiration of others...

no prizes for guessing what that element is...yet, there appears to be an increasing absence of it whilst more and more power and knowledge are being accumulated. we are easily touched by the display of its simple acts; be it in real life or in art. individuals becoming less trusting of each other because of the lack of it. society is becoming a more capricious place to be in...people, hide behind anonymity, cyberspace becoming the choice for social interaction for the veil that it provides us. however, that is a discussion for the next time.

in the end, it's a simple series of deductions. it is a process of how our mind works, of how we can look into the future, it is how humans are meant to be. it's how we can arrange our thoughts, and our steps, hence our journey...thoughts are the simpler half of the equation. faith, is too big an issue that our minds can't even fathom, let alone master...

this blogging phenomenon...

...really, is...a PHENOMENON.

it's a big word, innit? i didn't start asking the question as to why people blog after i've read a few blogs...some of them are really entertaining...so much so that i've recommended to a friend that she should compile all her blogs and publish it! why not? (there's money in this people!) sorta like a 21st century anne frank diary...oakay, morbid, and maybe insensitive but...you get the idea, not so much autobiography and not so personal journal either...so what is it then? a collection of personal observations, a narration of events...the closest equivalent i can find in conventional terms would be a journal. a journal, unarguably contains one's personal observations.

now that we've established the "what?" (don't think necessary to establish the "how?" and "when?"...unless you're really blazed or knackered off your face); lets try to understand the "why?" - is there a simple and straightforward answer to this? if you do, please drop me a line. damn sure would like to know.

traditionally, when people write in their journals, or memoirs, or diaries as it is most commonly known as; the written works used to be an extremely private property, one's deepest, blackiest secrets...stuff that murder mysteries are made of...but with the advent of web logs (uh oh, web+logs=blogs, DOH!) people are very free in their self-expression. these expressions are not limited to deepest, blackest, naughtiest, dirtiest secrets....but expanded to everyday happenings. sad things, happy things...things at work, relationships, etc..you name it. so what is it that drives this propensity to write even about mundane things in one's lives? in other words, WHY does one write a blog? (this is one for you anthro/socio/psycho/artsy-fartsy freaks!)

my argument would be, people are experiencing the increasing need to be heard, and to be heard without interruptions. some may argue that it (writing the stuff in blogs) is for self-discovery (really? and let the whole world read it? think not!). some say it is to hone their writing skills (hmm...??). so the most acceptable (in my honest opinion), is that people want to be heard! and, history shows that those who demand to be heard usually have something that they are not satisfied with. at this juncture, you may say that not all blogs are protests against the government or war on terror. agreed, but i'm not limiting my scope of argument to just the stuff that are written...but more towards the psycho-behaviour to write AND (this is important)...get others to read it! a blog is worth nothing if no one reads it. might as well then, keep a journal (in the conventional sense), no? some may also say that it is a tool to communicate with the people who are far away. instead of calling up or meeting up (which may prove impossible in some cases), writing blogs as an easy and cheap way to tell the people half way across the globe what it is that happened in your day, that day. honestly, damn! if this is your reason, you do have a personality disorder...why can't you call up/meet up people and tell them about your day? timing? hah! excuses...

going back to my thread of argument that people write blogs because they are not satisfied with something or other; so what is it that people are not satisfied with? i think, the reasons behind this is as varied as the stuff that make up the blogs themselves. and these reasons are very much the same as for the writers of personal journals and diaries. here, i do not think that we have much to disagree on. so what is the point i'm making?

the point is, there is one reason that may bind all the reasons people might have to write blogs. be it communication, companionship, writing-skills, loneliness, therapy, protests, etc...and that reason is helplessness. people write in blogs because they want others to read it. when others read their blogs, they are effectively being heard without interruptions. by doing so, their helplessness is alleviated somewhat - in the same manner that people pour their heart out to their counselors or psychiatrists...cos, they just want to be heard...(you follow me so far? presuming someone is reading this...)

so why did i call it a PHENOMENON? simple, just look at the hundreds and hundreds of blogs that exist today. what this incident (for lack of a better word) reflects to me is that many, many, many people are suffering from a bout of helplessness. helplessness towards what? well, like i said earlier, as varied as the stuff that makes it into the blogs themselves...that is for a different rambling of mine.

so, what am i feeling helpless about now? i'm feeling helpless about the fact that i've got so many things to think and do and i've got a thousand thoughts a minute that i need to arrange my thoughts and it's becoming extremely difficult to do. i can't tell someone about it cos, shit, what's the point? if i were to say as i think than i'd probably talk like this, "dsfjpjksd! dsjflfgjolfdg, ofdg jfdog khokfohfoisafdg...sjigsodfgifdg dfgojhoghfghpdgihpofhogfh". numsayin'? so, instead i write a blog. with the aim to achieve what? i don't know...maybe for someone to message me and say, "there, there...things will be alright" or even, "i feel you man!".

actually, no...i don't want to hear someone giving me comfort words..cos i know, and you know...things can only get worse (more bills to pay, bigger debts to get into, responsibilities...dadadadadadada). and no, i don't really want to know if there's someone out there who is experiencing the same thing cos, unless you can sort out my thinking for me...you're not doing much good. so, why is it that i write in here? i write this in here cos i think what i'm writing is insightful but it comes at a such weird timing, and of such obscure topic that i reckon people are not really interested to listen to it even if i force it on them...

c'mon, you have to agree, you haven't thought about this yourself, have you?

it's a matter of...

...timing, my friend.

"No music, no life...live to the rhythm of your dreams...", CHaliLEo (2000)

everything is about timing, even luck - and i quote oprah winfrey, "luck is when preparation meets opportunity". there are too many examples in the life that surrounds us. when accidents occur, it's mere seconds either you hit the car in front of you, or you get to step on the brakes. when you play football, it's the difference between getting ahead of your opponent, or getting a yellow card for late tackle. when you're courting the girl of your life, it's either you say hi to her now while she's waiting for the bus, or it'll be too late once the bus comes. you get the picture.

and in life (in my most humble opinion), there's no better keeper of time than music. different music has different timing/different individuals have different paths to chart. a good music successfully harmonizes the beats of the drum with the wailing of the guitars, the stretches in the lyrics, and the blaring of the trumpets.

there's jazz, rock, rnb, hiphop...you name it. different music are just reflections of different musicians who, at the core of it are just various individuals. but, they are individuals who have managed to bring out the beats that runs through their veins. each of us have a certain beat that runs through our veins. and that beat changes/develops as we become aware of the other 'instruments' that exist in life.

we are all, in fact, musicians in our own right. some of us title our music "Enter Sandman", "Black Hole Sun", "Genie In A Bottle", "Smooth Operator" and so on. some others, title our music as "The Man Who discovered America", "The First Woman President", "The Man Who Discovered Electricity", etc.

to most of us, we get only one chance to write one piece of music. and, most of the time, only very few can truly appreciate our brand of music like "The Greatest Ever Parent", "The Boy Who Conquered His Fear", and so on. me, i'm snapping my fingers and tapping my feet to the rhythm that sends me to sleep every nite with a smile...it's still a work in progress.