it's my pleasure...

...to make your acquaintance.

again.

you and i look like we can be very good friends. we share similar history and experiences. but our outlook do differ slightly. we've tended to disagree on many occasions. and, more often than not, i've given in to your arguments. that has been mainly because your desires seemed very much stronger than mine. and i for one, will never let anyone be deprived for any taste of life. such hedonistic principles? well, to each his own.

but this is where it stops. i cannot ignore my needs and desires anymore. i cannot let you have your way all the time. i will now compete for my time in the spotlight.

you and i are approaching our third decade in life. somehow, life is not how we imagined it to be at this point in life. i don't think we are behaving as how people our age should be. i know at least, we agree on that.

for the past month or so, i have immersed myself in my job. i've tried to distract myself. it has worked somewhat. also, all the driving and travelling has been good. it has given me back some of the belief in life which i've lost for awhile.

i surrounded myself with people who didn't mind having me around. not too sure if they wanted to but for certain, they didn't mind. and for that, i thank you.it seemed that the only way to return some semblance of normality back into my life is by making friends with myself again. my dear friend was right. pursue it until you exhaust yourself mentally, physically and emotionally. i did everything a man in my position could possibly do. and i did it sincerely. now, i have no regrets.

...and then,



she called.


only then i realised how much i've missed her. i admit, i was very much overwhelmed. but i also heard her deliberate non-acknowledgement of my feelings from the lack of response to them.

i understood.

i can only allow myself to reiterate that i love or loved her so. i don't know myself. but i have to now not think about it until i really have to. who? it doesn't matter now really....i cannot, now, return to what i was. now, i have to grow. i have to be what my mind and my heart has been telling me how i should be. i have to embark on that journey that i have held myself back for so long.

but this ship is damaged. it's got a torn sail, a hole in the hull and lacking a navigator. still, those unfamiliar seas have to be charted. along the way, some might be lost. i have to prepare myself for that. but the discovery must be made.

and along the way, as i port for provisions, i know i will have some strangers as passengers who'd want to hitch a ride. maybe they will become friends, maybe just acquaintances. or maybe, they will remain as strangers.


what exciting times lie ahead.