if i leave...

...you behind, will i meet somebody new?

can i leave my prejudices and bad memories too? i'd rather travel light...perhaps with just a bundle of choice principles, which i can sling over my shoulders on a stick that i can carry into the future.

but if i can't go into the future without a past, can i just, at least...leave the hurt behind. i'll take the loneliness with me...maybe if i wrap it up nicely, i can give it away as a gift.

...that's probably how negotiations would go if i could negotiate for a new beginning.

will the new me be better than the old me? or would it just be a variation of the same bad apple? can i navigate in uncharted seas with a broken ship and a torn sail?

the anxiety is not due to insufficient capacity, it's more because of lack of desire. do i want to change? why wouldn't i want to?

...that may be because i kind of like who i am now. and i know that there are other people who like me the way i am. of course, it's evident that there are facets of me that are just as unlikeable. hence, this whole dilemma.

i hope matters will reveal itself in the coming year...it's what i do in the meantime that is well, putting me on edge. perhaps, if i simply not worry?

ah, that's another worry. not a good start to the "not worrying' philosophy, huh?

"when you're through changing, you're through" - bruce barton