as i walk...

...through the streets of frankston,
everyday living in desperation,
in search of knowledge and education,
learning the values of, freedom and independance,
every deed, every sin...building on my essence,
every now and then, i look up into the sky,
i feel the sunshine getting into my eye,
and once in awhile, the hair on my neck stands in the breeze,
as though god's eyes are following me,
from birth to eternity....
dear lord, what can i do?
my luck's running out, please drop me a clue...
dear lord, what should i do? my mind's made up but i still can't make a move...
this soul's torn between me, reality and you...

i had to write that piece of lyrics/poetry which i wrote during one of the most difficult time of my life, before it goes from me altogether.
that aside, i recently learned that this blog has an audience who appreciates what and how i write.
thanks.

actually, i don't have much to rant about this time. perhaps, that's a good thing, that not all things have to be bad. that you can enjoy a little, laugh a little...even when you're down. yet, without trivialising or worrying that you're not taking seriously, your situation.

the xmas eve i recently had was, i think, in a very unconventional way, a quite meaningful one that i've had in a very long time. not that i actually celebrate it. but it's a holiday...so maybe, what i'm trying to say here is that, it was a very well spent holiday. (hahaha that makes sense?)

i spent it with a selection of individuals who has the maturity to look beyond common prejudices and reserved their biases. i hope i was viewed in a similarly positive way. however, i can't help but feel that truly that moment was too brief...too short. maybe, thinking that helps me to appreciate it even more.
we toasted to a better 360 days ahead. whatever that might mean...

but reality has a way of crashing the party. one had to urgently salvage what was probably the best thing that could've happen to her in years. another had to re-visit her commitments, another had to deal with the feeling of absence and self-guilt. and the other, had to deal with watching a good life walk away. depressing? hahaha to say the least....

but such is life. that's why, i think that brief moment we shared was good. one of my new found quotes about life, "never apologise for your feelings". that may be the only truly pleasurable thing in life...to feel.
so, once again, i find myself back at square one (why a square? why not a circle or a sphere? it feels more like a sphere). again, starting from zero, having to re-define everything. i thought i just got off the ride, who bought me another ticket? what? i bought two? damn, didn't know what i was getting myself into, huh? hahahahahaha
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"watch for sticks and stones,stumbling blocks in piles,
life is one big road,miles on top of miles,
so blessed be the soul,that always remains a child,
when most people don't even smile,
there is a natural mystic,blowing through the air,
so keep it realistic, and always be aware,

...and it was written,up in the book of life,that a man shall endure forever more",
Damian Marley (Junior Gong), "It Was Written".