but sometimes...

...you fail.

i've never heard you laughed so hard, and so frequently. i don't think i've ever managed to do that. and i hate you for it.

i suppose we've both learned valuable lessons from this. what those lessons are, each is to his/her own.

funny, i've been wondering for what good reason i behaved the way i did. it only became clear to me yesterday. it was, as i told you; regret.
regret that i didn't love her as much as i'm loving you. that i couldn't ever wanted her as much as i'm wanting you. and in a twisted way, i tried to make it up to her. i felt guilty, maybe, for shortchanging her.

i harboured the feeling of loss for her for a long time. and when i met you, whatever feelings i had for her were there because i held on to them for far too long. to be without those feelings is something that i needed getting used to. i've never told you otherwise. that, was the demon i had to fight, on my own. in my own way, at my own time. you should've just let me.

instead, you meted out my punishment without even telling me my sentence.

"how can you mend, a broken heart. how can you stop the rain, falling down", - Al Green.